it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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