saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
