babies were throwing up all over the place
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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