I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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