I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
