Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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