I need help removing her.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
