I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
