Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
