I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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