so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
