Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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