Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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