I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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