My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So. Much. Porn.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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