You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize