i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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