Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
