I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
