You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
