Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
