i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
