I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
