ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
