oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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