You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
