just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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