We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
