I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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