how hairy? two words: wookie tits
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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