I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
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He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize