There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
