some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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