i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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