he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
