FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
