He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
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Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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