best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
