there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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