I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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