I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
