Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
