This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
