living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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