remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize