Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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