he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
