How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
