I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
