i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
