My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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