I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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