so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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