Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
