Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
