At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
