I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
