I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
