she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
