I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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